Why Rihanna sucks!

I never liked Rihanna and her music but "never liked" turned to hatred when she released that stupid "Umbrella" song. Why do I hate Rihanna with such a passion? No the answer isn't, "I just do". There are several reasons why I hate Rihanna and each reason is justified. Here are the reasons:

THE UMBRELLA SONG: I cannot stand this song with such moronic lyrics. Just check this out, "Now that it's raining more then ever - Know that we'll still have each other - You can stand under my umbrella - You can stand under my umbrella - (Ella ella eh eh eh) - Under my umbrella - (ella ella eh eh eh)". WTF kind of nonsense is that? Maybe I should write a song called "shoelaces"? Maybe it should go like this, "My shoelaces are undone - You can do up my shoelaces - (laces laces laces ces ces ces).


DRAG QUEEN: Oh you didn't know? Rihanna is actually a man. After months of investigation I have come to the conclusion that Rihanna is actually Prince in drag! Well have you seen Rihanna and Prince together? I wonder why that is? Click on the picture below and try and prove to me that it isn't the same person. Wonder if Chris Brown knew?


HUGE FOREHEAD: She has the world's largest forehead. Click on the picture below for proof. That thing is massive. You could feed a starving family of cannibals for a year with that forehead and she wouldn't even notice it. Maybe after her singing career is over she could rent out her forehead as a cinema screen.


RIHANNA FLU: Forget swine flu, Rihanna flu is the next huge pandemic. The first sign of the onset is the sudden inability to say the word "umbrella" without stuttering. See your doctor immediately as this is a highly dangerous flu. Early detection is a must as it's easily curable by playing "real" music to the patient.


Last but not least there is a rumour going around that there will be a Rihanna sex tape. I don't know about you people but I definitely don't want to see a sex tape starring Prince and Chris Brown.

Supermarket morons / idiots

I’m convinced that shopping in a supermarket lowers the IQ of some people. What other explanation is there for some of the idiotic / moronic / illogical behaviour one sees in supermarkets. Here are some of the behaviours that make my blood boil (especially when I’m in a rush or I’ve had little sleep after a night shift).


OH, I’M SUPPOSED TO PAY: The Cashier scans all the items, the total price comes up on the register and the Cashier says, “that will be $XX.XX thank you”. Only at this stage does the moron get out his wallet to pay or looks through his wallet for his card. It’s worse when the customer is female especially when she has to search her handbag for cash or card. What is wrong with these idiots? Were they expecting not to pay? One feels like saying to them, “get your money and / or card ready moron!” This behaviour is especially annoying when one is in a rush or there is a long line at the checkout.

LET’S IGNORE THE “15 ITEM OR LESS SIGN”: We have all come across the arrogant arsehole that has 50 or more items but conveniently pretends to not notice the “15 items or less” sign. One just feels like grabbing the sign, smashing it over their head and stating, “do you see the sign now idiot”. There is an easy way to get a little bit of vengeance on these arrogant arseholes and it goes like this. A word of warning, be careful when doing this to burly guys. Next time you see a person lining up with a large amount of items in the “15 items or less” checkout just queue jump and stand in front of them. This will always get a response like “what are you doing, stand at the back of the line”. The classic comeback is, “oh I thought you were just standing around with your trolley because this is the express checkout and since this is the express checkout there is no way you would be lining up in this line with 50 items in your trolley”. I have actually done this a few times and usually I get stunned silence and the person changes checkout.

QUEUING UP AT THE EXPRESS CHECKOUTS WHEN OTHER CHECKOUTS ARE FREE: This behaviour consists of people queuing up at the express checkouts even though the normal checkouts are free. It’s almost as if they are conditioned to use the “15 items or less” checkouts whenever they have a small number of times. I once saw 3 “15 items of less” checkouts with queues over 7 deep and a “normal” checkout with no queue. I only had a couple of items and I obviously used the empty checkout. I couldn’t help looking at the long queues at the express checkouts and thinking, “you idiots”. I find this behaviour rather humorous but it’s amazing how often I see it happening.

MOVE FORWARD YOU IDIOT: This idiotic behaviour occurs when a person, even though their items have all been bagged, does not move forward to pay for the items. This is extremely annoying because, by not moving forward, they block the person behind them from placing their items on the checkout. I usually deal with this by placing my items on the checkout and if my arm elbows them because they haven’t moved, so be it. They usually move when being elbowed so it’s a great tactic to use.