Why Rihanna sucks!

I never liked Rihanna and her music but "never liked" turned to hatred when she released that stupid "Umbrella" song. Why do I hate Rihanna with such a passion? No the answer isn't, "I just do". There are several reasons why I hate Rihanna and each reason is justified. Here are the reasons:

THE UMBRELLA SONG: I cannot stand this song with such moronic lyrics. Just check this out, "Now that it's raining more then ever - Know that we'll still have each other - You can stand under my umbrella - You can stand under my umbrella - (Ella ella eh eh eh) - Under my umbrella - (ella ella eh eh eh)". WTF kind of nonsense is that? Maybe I should write a song called "shoelaces"? Maybe it should go like this, "My shoelaces are undone - You can do up my shoelaces - (laces laces laces ces ces ces).


DRAG QUEEN: Oh you didn't know? Rihanna is actually a man. After months of investigation I have come to the conclusion that Rihanna is actually Prince in drag! Well have you seen Rihanna and Prince together? I wonder why that is? Click on the picture below and try and prove to me that it isn't the same person. Wonder if Chris Brown knew?


HUGE FOREHEAD: She has the world's largest forehead. Click on the picture below for proof. That thing is massive. You could feed a starving family of cannibals for a year with that forehead and she wouldn't even notice it. Maybe after her singing career is over she could rent out her forehead as a cinema screen.


RIHANNA FLU: Forget swine flu, Rihanna flu is the next huge pandemic. The first sign of the onset is the sudden inability to say the word "umbrella" without stuttering. See your doctor immediately as this is a highly dangerous flu. Early detection is a must as it's easily curable by playing "real" music to the patient.


Last but not least there is a rumour going around that there will be a Rihanna sex tape. I don't know about you people but I definitely don't want to see a sex tape starring Prince and Chris Brown.